Can You Feel It?

Another tear falls from my cheek. I try my very hardest to keep it from exposing what is really going on inside my heart. With every welling drop in the corners of my swollen eyes, my tears reveal that something is wrong. I am broken. It’s not the kind of broken that can be fixed with a hot glue gun. No, this kind of broken needs something much stronger. It needs a hammer and nails. It is neither the nail nor the hammer that will be the solution to this brokenness, but the power behind them. You see, this is the nail that went through the hand of my Savior.
With every strike of the hammer to nail, I am healed. It seems counterproductive to hurt one to heal another, but this one is special. The love that brought Him to his dying day happens to be the same love that brings me to my knees. It is a love so powerful that even the strongest man alive would buckle under its weight. It is a divine kind of love, a healing kind of love, a God kind of love. It is a love that can’t even be explained, it can only be felt. And that’s why they pound.
They pound for us. Unintentionally, of course, but nevertheless effective. This strange kind of love is so many things. It is joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. It is above all things. It is a love like no other. The only logical explanation for it is completely illogical, some would say. That there is a spiritual being who created and cares for us makes no sense. We can’t see God, touch God, talk with God. But, we can feel Him. Not in the literal, physical sense, of course because that would be too easy. No this is in the emotional nitty-gritty of it all. It is in those simple moments that we sometimes let pass us by. It is in the good moments when we are so happy it is like sun is radiating from our every pore. The moments when nothing can touch us because we are on top of the world. The moments when we are so extremely, blissfully happy. Where all we can do is smile to the point that our cheeks hurt. That is when you feel God. You feel the nails pounding.
With every exhilarated heartbeat there is another strike to the nail making it possible for you to feel this way: joyful in the Lord. But it is not just in the times of joy. It is also in the times of agony. Those times where you feel like you have never hit more of a rock bottom. Those times when you feel like all you want to do is cry because of the pain. Those times when the only way to escape the pain is to sleep. You feel the nails pounding. With every lump in your throat you feel the force of the hammer coming down. Every tear that falls is another drop of blood, scarlet red, washing our sins away and making us white as snow. Mending the broken, that’s the kind of love that I know. At the highest highs and the lowest lows, that’s when you feel it. That’s when you feel the pounding. It is a joyful, agonizing kind of feeling that casts all the pain aside. Strike after strike, pound after pound, you begin to feel the love making you whole again and healing your broken heart.

Just Some Thoughts

sometimes i feel like all i'm doing is proving. 
i'm always trying to prove: 
that i'm good enough. 
that you should like me for me. 
that you should think i'm amazing. 
that you should think i'm beautiful. 
that you shuold think i'm worth it. 
but all i get in return: 
exhaustion. 
eshaustion from trying. from trying to prove. 
i shouldnt have to prove. 
you should tell me that: 
you think i'm good enough. 
you like me for me. 
you think i'm amazing. 
you think i'm beautiful. 
you think i'm worth it. 
for now, i'm just waiting. 
trying not to try so hard to prove. 
because you know what? 
jesus thinks i'm good enough. 
jesus likes me for me. 
jesus thinks i'm amazing. 
jesus thinks i'm beautiful. 
jesus thinks i'm worth it. 
and for now, and for the rest of my life, 
that should be enough.

Jesus Cream

Have you ever had that icky, heavy feeling in your heart?
Like if someone touched your chest, it would cave in?
It’s completely miserable.
You feel like if your blood pressure goes up just a little bit, your heart might just shatter.
Or if you take in too deep of a breath, your heart might get sucked into your stomach.
Like there's a scar right on the front of your heart that will never disappear.
But that’s not true.
You know those scar creams they advertise on TV?
That’s what Jesus is to us.
You just have to lather Him on real thick.
Over every scar we have.
And the directions to scar creams are always the same: Apply daily.
That’s what we need to do.
Keep filling our lives every day with Jesus.
Keep lathering Him on over and over.
A steady diet of the Lord and the scar will begin to disappear.
And it will never disappear completely.
There will always be a little hint that it was once there.
But that is how we learn from our mistakes.
How we learn the will of God.
It’s not always easy.
It hurts and it is sometimes is really deep.
But just keep lathering on some Jesus.
He never fails to mend.
I like to think the label on Jesus Cream would never say "Results may vary.”
Because the Lord ALWAYS will deliver.
And that’s an advertisement we can trust in.

Giving in to the Current of the Lord

Sometimes your heart is saying yes, but you know God is saying no.

It’s like swimming against a strong current.
You paddle your hardest, and the waves keep pushing against you.
Every effort, every stroke is in vain.
You know you are no match to the power of nature; the power of God.
But never the less, you try.
You try your hardest to win over the incessant fight against you.
But it is useless.
And then in a flash, you're taken.

It happens one of two ways:
Either you struggle to gain your grip again, knowing full well that you will lose, so you end up hurt and exhausted, but eventually giving in.
Or you let yourself go. You find perfect harmony with the current of the almighty hand. You trust the water to take you to a place where you are at peace.

Only then will you find relief.
The relief that you no longer have to fight.
There is no longer even a force to fight against.
You are at peace.
You are at the place where you are meant to be and it all makes sense now.

God has a plan.
All we ever do is try to fight it.
We try to figure it out on our own.
We think we know what we're doing.
We think we know what’s best for us.
We think we know what we want.
We are wrong.
Dead wrong.

We will always be disappointed if we don’t just let the current of the Lord take us to the place where our deepest desires are in harmony with the desires that God has for us.
Only then will we truly know what pure happiness means.
And not even just that; we will know the true joy we can have if we take His hand and let Him lead.

So the point of all this?
We, especially me, need to follow the will of God.
We need to stop trying to find what we think God wants us to find.
We need to wait on the Lord and HE will give us the deepest desires of our hearts.
Because God is a god of love, and a god of peace.
He is God, and His will is perfect.
And who doesn’t want some perfection?
Because I do.

So now, I will wait on the Lord.
Because I want everything He wants for me, and I want NOTHING less.
I am His princess.
And, in His timing, He will give me my prince.